HOW TO TALK TO THE MAN IN YOUR LIFE ABOUT SEXISM

TIP 1: DON'T!

Live in the ignorant bliss that he's as evolved as you imagined him to be! Red flags? You don't see those! Choose your reality, babe! It works for him, doesn't it?

TIP 2: BE SENSITIVE.

If you've decided to disregard my prior advice, you're either an optimist or an idiot, but are you sensitive? To your man this conversation isn't about the oppression of half the population, it's about him. For him to admit inequality is systemic and favors him in any way, is to shatter his illusion that he's special, smarter, more hard-working and makes better choices than you. You don't want to shatter this illusion or he will lash out and probably start yelling, maybe even throw things.

TIP 3: DON'T USE BIG WORDS

You might want to say something like "Sexism is insidious." Don't. If he doesn't know what the word means, he's going to assume you're being patronizing. He probably won't see the irony in denying sexism exists, while also thinking a word rooted in the very existence of it. He may get defensive. As soon as he thinks this is a you vs him fight, instead of a conversation or equal exchange of ideas, the likelihood of him punching drywall goes up 120%.

TIP 4: LET HIM HAVE THE LITTLE WINS

Your man doesn't want to be having this conversation to begin with, so it's important to give him some positive reinforcement and let him have the little wins. When you point out that we've never had a female president, let him point out that it's not illegal for women to be president. Maybe pat him on the shoulder and say something like, "That's exactly right, honey!" Give him some time to connect the dots. in 10 or 20 years, he may even realize he proved the point you were making in tip 3.

TIP 5: CITE STATISTICS AND STUDIES BY MEN

When you tell your man that there are more CEOS named John (roughly 3% of the population) than women (roughly 51% of the population), make sure to include that the study was done by Justin Wolfers for Forbes Magazine, named for another man, B.C. Forbes. Having male role models who are aware sexism exists is helpful. Hearing the same thought you're sharing but with the added credibility that it was researched by a man could be a gamechanger.

TIP 6: YOUR MAN DOESN'T WANT TO BE SEEN AS SEXIST, EXPLOIT THAT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

Assure your man that you don't believe *he's* sexist and that you firmly believe "not all men" are. You might find this next point obvious, but remember, he's deeply rooted in the idea that the world is mostly fair, because if it isn't, he might not have the advantages he does only because of his own merit. With this in mind, maybe try feigning confusion and saying something like, "Babe, I know you're not sexist, so if sexism doesn't have tangible effects in the real world, why are there less women in positions of power?" After he attempts to derail your question by asking what constitutes a position of power, in which case you can frown like his question was a real stumper, say, "I don't know.. President or CEO?" He will either insist the world is a meritocracy which means women have less merit, thereby exposing himself as sexist, or he will admit, "wow, maybe the world truly isn't a fair place!" and that by juxtaposition, he should use the advantages he's been given to do anything about it!

TIP 7: IF ALL ELSE FAILS, DUMP HIM.

If you want to explain basic and obvious concepts all day to someone, adopt a child. There will be plenty of unwanted children now that the Supreme Court (where only 6 justices out of 115 have ever, in all American history, been women) has overturned Roe vs. Wade. The lengthy and expensive process of adopting a child may be easier and more rewarding than asking your man to see past the bridge of his nose and confront a reality you did during your own childhood.