THIS OUTFIT IS RAPE PROOF!!

Don't Want to Be Sexually Assaulted? TRY THIS FABULOUS ENSEMBLE! AMAZoN CREDITS aCcEpTeD!!

According to a recent study sponsored by Mountain Dew Baja Blast, this outfit is rape proof! Don't believe us?

JUST TRY IT!!!

1. STAINS! If you don't have stains on your clothes, you're just plain asking for it. Stains are a natural deterent. If you're an amateur and you didn't already spill food on yourself, you can always shit your pants with our patented Rape-Proof Laxative Chew now available in delicious Raspberry and Blue Moon OR or for added anti rape protection, halitosis inducingly delicious-- Sour Cream and Pickled Herring! Don't believe us? -- At least 80% of perverts polled said they weren't into stains, poop or poopstains. The other 20% said they were all about it and would bring their own cups.

2. SNAKES! Wear a shirt that has snakes on it. 60% of consumers polled said they were not interested in having sex with snakes or any other reptiles and all amphibians not including mermaids.

3. PUSSY CAGE! Have you tried wearing an iron cage around your pelvis and arming it with booby traps? USE CODE BOOBYTRAPZ for 25% off All Boiling Oil Attachments, Catapults, Tazers and Dentatas!

4. CARGO PANTS! While you might be tempted to throw on a shapeless sweatsuit, Cargo pants offer the same boxy look but make it much easier to hide assault weapons! And if you pack your pockets with cheese and beef jerky you can divert most rapists by throwing it away from yourself and shooting them in the head while they run away! PRO TIP: It's wise to poison the snacks in case you miss.

5. ACCESORIZE IT, GIRL! Always remember, accessories are EVERYTHING. Oh, and if someone rapes you, most likely, nothing will happen to them, so it's best to take justice into your own hands. Which is why we offer only theeee cutest knives!! Get our carbon stainless steel 10 piece castration kit today in Sunset Peach or Qween Killa Cream! Call 1800byediCK TODAY!!